Internal peace is vital to our health, and having internal peace makes life much more pleasant. When we are not at peace, our little ones suffer alongside us. For this reason, I want to talk about the importance of managing conflict in your relationship with your spouse or partner. Our children deserve to be at peace so they can flourish and grow.
There is a give and take in every relationship; one person should not always get their own way. Finding mutual purpose in the things you disagree upon can help a couple come to an agreeable solution.
Here are recommended steps to coming to a solution when you have a difference of opinion on how an issue should be handled:
- Decide what you both agree the outcome of the issue should be
- Talk about how you can arrive at this pre-determined outcome
• Be kind, listen, and take turns talking
• Do not get defensive when the other suggests an idea
• Agree to disagree until a mutually accepted path of action or solution is found
• Allow each other to respectfully ask questions and challenge suggested solutions - End the conversation with assigned actions and stay true to what you both agreed upon
Be careful not to agree to something that is truly against your values or beliefs. If you are feeling bullied, express how you feel. Sometimes it is hard to stand up for yourself, but if you do not stand up for yourself, then you will not be at peace with the solution.
When we do not stand up for ourselves, we enable the other person to win and this will continue to happen over and over again. Each time, it will get easier for the other person to get their way and peace will get to a point of unattainability.
There will be times when we do stand up for ourselves, but the other person is unreasonable. At this point, the steps above may not work, because your spouse or partner will not have a conversation with you. Hopefully, this is a rare situation, but it does happen. My suggestion would be to find a mediator or a counselor that you can trust.
Carrying unresolved issues leads to unhappiness and resentment. This is not good for a family, nor does it benefit either person in the relationship.
